


As far as I can see

by i_think_id_make_a_good_ghost



Series: Nobody Loves You Either [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AU, Alcohol/Alcoholism, Asphyxiation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_think_id_make_a_good_ghost/pseuds/i_think_id_make_a_good_ghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fuck I know it sounds dumb. But, I thought I should tell you what I want. What I really came here for was just to spend the night."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were many things Locus had learned from this new "relationship."  
Most of those things were about Church, and not enough about his father's dirty secrets.

He learned that there were many things wrong with Church, but the issue that always presented itself was his alcoholism.  
Obviously, it was a coping mechanism, Locus thought. As were the midnight calls to have sex.  
It probably had something to do with his daddy issues.

Earlier in the evening, Locus got a text message from Church telling him he was coming over.  
Most of the words were misspelled, so Locus had to assume he was already drunk.  
He would have not so politely told Church to fuck off, but he had yet to discover the deep reason behind his addiction.

It would be easy pulling information out of a drunk man who openly despised his father and his work.

There was a knock on Locus' door and as soon as the door was open Church was stumbling into his arms, slurring about how he had to take a cab because his friend wouldn't give him his car keys, and he had left his wallet in his car so he didn't have cash on him.  
Locus sighed and took it upon himself to pay the taxi driver.

When he was back in his home, Church was on his sofa waiting for him. He shrugged off his jacket and leaned back to look up at Locus was was standing behind the sofa.  
"Why did you come here and not to your own apartment?" Locus asked, crossing his arms and he frowned down at Church.  
"God, you have great cheekbones." Church avoided the question, "Get over here so I can touch 'em." He raised his arms and made grabby hands at Locus' face.

Locus rolled his eyes and stepped away from the living room, walking over to his kitchen to shuffle through the cupboards for the coffee grounds and filters.

Church made a noise from the other room as he rolled off the sofa.  
"You want a legit answer? Okay, here it is." Church started making his way to Locus. "I was feelin' lonely and shit."  
"Weren't you with your friends?" Locus asked, not looking up from the coffee machine as he pressed buttons.  
"I've made it a strict rule not to fuck my friends. In both the metaphorical and literal sense." Church replied, leaning heavily on the counter.  
"So, we aren't friends?" Locus asked, a hint of playfulness in his words.  
" 'Course not." Church answered. "You're.. you're just my dad's lawyer."  
Locus nodded, "Ah, that's true."  
"We're just fooling around, right? We just fuck and we leave to go on about our day." Church went on, flinging his arm to emphasize his words.  
Locus let the coffee maker do it's job then turned to Church, "Yes. Is there something wrong with that?"  
"Oh, I _fucking_ hate it." Church said.  
Locus rose a brow, "Why?"  
Church became silent after that, he shook his head and turned to walk back into the sitting room.

Locus was left to himself, watching the coffee drip into the pot.  
They had nothing in common. Locus had said so from the beginning.  
He wasn't just talking about foreplay, he meant in general as well.  
Church didn't know who he was, they hardly spent time together besides the 'intimate' moments.  
He couldn't possibly...

"It's not like I'm in love with you, or anything!" Church shouted at him from the sitting room.  
"I should feel offended." Locus almost smiled.

Church sighed loudly, "I just... I don't like you that way."  
Locus waited.  
"But.. I want to." Church finished, his words came out one at a time.

'Why?' Locus wanted to ask again, but this time he was the silent one.

Church took that as a 'keep talking' cue.  
Locus had assumed that tonight would lead to Church spilling secrets he could use as blackmail, but this was a situation he wasn't prepared for.  
But, he really should have.  
He was caught off guard for the first time in years.  
Someone wanting a relationship with him was.. honestly, unbelievable.

"I haven't had a relationships like this in a while. I'm not saying I don't like it, just that.. I kind of want to try something more." Church said, frowning at his hands the whole time. "Fuck I know it sounds dumb. But, I thought I should tell you what I want. What I really came here for was just to spend the night."

Locus didn't say anything after that either.

"Listen, if you want to kick me out that's fine. Can you just give me some cab fare?" Church asked, pushing off the sofa so he could stand.

"I already made you coffee, you're not leaving." Locus spoke before Church could take another step then reached into the cupboards again to pull out two mugs.

 

Locus shouldn't feel bad for stringing him along like an poor animal.  
He needed this connection. He needed to use him.  
Of course being Dr. Church's lawyer should get him plenty of information, but they didn't trust him enough to handle the big cases that was left to some other man that Locus hadn't met yet.  
Church would be his stepping stone to that. Eventually.  
And, in the end, Church would be to busy trying to recover from his father's business failing to focus on a relationship, and Locus would go far away to work on some other job.

While Locus was convincing himself that he was doing the 'smart' thing, Church set his coffee down and wiggled his way under Locus' arm to- snuggle, he guessed.

Locus was rigged, he was clearly not used to this at all.  
Church gave up immediately and frowned at him, "What's the problem?"  
"Nothing." Locus answered. "I'm not the cuddly type." he explained with a shrug.  
"Neither am I, don't make me be the annoying clingy one here. Loosen up." Church said, "Don't you ever relax?"  
Locus thought it over, he really didn't have the time to relax anymore. "At one point in my life, yes." Locus replied.  
"Okay, so what did you do?" Church asked, making himself comfortable on the other side of the sofa with his legs draped over Locus' legs.

Locus shouldn't tell him a thing.  
But his previous life was gone, he wasn't that man anymore.  
What was the harm in telling him a few things?

"I had an interest in birds."  
"Like, a bird watcher?"  
"Not exactly." Locus said.  
"Did you have any as pets?"  
"I wasn't allowed."  
"Neither was I." Church said, "I always wanted a dog as a kid, but dad was a mess back then so taking care of me was hard enough for him."  
"My caretaker didn't like animals at all." Locus said, "I found a blue jay with a broken wing once. I put her in a box and taped up her wing so it'd heal. She was hidden under my bed; I managed to keep her hidden for three days before my caretaker wrung her neck."

Church was silent a moment, "Dude, what the fuck?"

"I also enjoyed some t.v. shows." Locus went on to avoid explaining that story any further.

Church dropped it, but he would get back to that eventually. That was fucked up.

"What would you watch? You have a t.v here, but I'm pretty sure it's not even plugged in." Church said, looked towards the flat screen across the room.  
"I would watch Star Trek. It was always on one of the few channels that we had."  
"Star Trek was my shit as a kid. I dressed up as Spock every Halloween." Church laughed.  
"I always admired Spock." Locus said, a small smile pulling at his lips.

 

The night went on with Church sharing some embarrassing stories like the time Church went streaking down the school halls just to prove that he wasn't chicken, only to end up falling right on his face before he even reached the end of the hall because the floors had just been waxed.  
"Come on, you have to have one story."  
"Only one." Locus said. "I got caught in the janitor's closet with a boy in high school and was expelled."  
"That's not embarrassing."  
"It's shameful, and that is the same thing." Locus said.  
"Bullshit." Church yawned.

Locus had barely noticed before, but Church had moved over to his side again and had innocently dozed off with his head on Locus' shoulder.  
Locus looked up at the clock on the wall, its hands pointed at three thirty.  
He should have been asleep in bed a long time ago.

With little effort Locus shifted Church to his side and left him on the sofa to sleep.  
When he came back with blankets for him, he felt a strange emotion.  
It wasn't like pity, just that he felt.. concerned about leaving Church on the sofa.  
What was it he said that brought him here in the first place? Loneliness?

And, apparently Church found comfort in being with him.

Church wouldn't like that he had to sleep out here by himself, would he?  
What would have been the point of their late night conversation?

Without another second to hesitate, Locus slipped his arms under Church and picked him up to carry him off to his bedroom.  
Locus hadn't had another person in his bed in a long time.  
Not even Church, they usually fooled around at the office or Church's apartment.  
And, they had never stayed longer than five minutes after. There was never any bed sharing.  
This would be new.

Locus left Church lying on his back, but then he moved to his side and Locus kept still, just waiting for him to move again.  
When he did, Church had his leg over Locus' own legs along with one of Church's arms slung across his chest.

He wouldn't be getting used to this any time soon.

 

In the morning Church was the first one awake, he would usually sleep in until nine or ten.  
But, the unfamiliar territory was probably what woke him up.  
The first thing he felt was a throbbing headache.  
The first thing he saw was the source of the unfamiliar heat of another person around him.

Even in his sleep Locus seemed to not be able to relax.  
His face wasn't soft and content, he looked like he was thinking critically.  
It was kind of funny.  
"Are you asleep, or just pretending to be? Because you're terrible at faking it." Church said, his breath traveling across Locus' lips.  
"I _was_ sleeping." Locus said, his eyes were still closed.  
"In that case, you don't look like an angel when you sleep." Church said, resting his chin painfully on Locus' chest.  
"That's because I'm not." Locus opened his eyes and shifted to sit up so Church's chin wasn't digging into his pectoral.

Church rolled away so he was on his back again, "Are you doing anything today?" he asked.  
"I don't have any plans, no." Locus said, speaking truthfully.  
He didn't have friends to meet in this life.  
Only a contact, who he'd never consider a friend.

"I don't want to be a clingy, but maybe we should try dating." Church said, looking up at Locus who was sitting with his back straight against the headboard.

Locus surprised himself with the thought that his answer wasn't 'no.'  
"I don't see a reason why not."

That was a lie, there were plenty of reasons.

"Cool. So, I'm gonna head back home and clean up. How about we get dinner?" Church asked.  
Another surprising thought Locus had was, 'why should we wait that long to go out?'

"That's fine with me. As long as I pick out the place." Locus said.  
"If you pick out the place, you're paying."  
"That's not fair." Locus frowned, Church did have more money than he did.  
"Life's not fair, get used to it." Church grinned up at him and sat up from the bed.

 

Church left after they shared a reheated cup of the coffee made from last night, then Locus was left to himself to think over last night's events.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there are spelling mistakes and confusing sentences im sorry i write at 12am and im never thinking clearly but i'll fix it once i have the time

Tucker called just as Church was getting out of the shower to get dressed.  
"Hey, fucker. You still alive?" Tucker's voice came from his phone speaker.  
"Alive, but dying inside." Church said, digging into his closet for his clothes.  
"Glad to hear it."

"Hey, do you still have my keys?" Church asked, pulling a shirt over his head.  
"Yeah, I'll come over to drop off your car, but you'll have to give me a ride back home." Tucker said.  
"Fair enough." Church shrugged and started looking around for his favorite jacket, which was no where to seen.  
The last time he had seen it was last night. On Locus' sofa.  
Church sighed, he had forgot to take it.  
Well, it wasn't a big deal he was planning to go back anyway, he'd get it then.

"You still there?" Tucker asked.  
"Yeah, sorry. I was looking for something, but I left it at.. my.. other friend's place." Church couldn't think of anything else to call Locus.  
"You don't have other friends." Tucker said.  
Church pouted his lips, wiggling into his pants. "I do."  
"Yeah? Who? You only hang out with me and Caboose."  
"What about Grif? I know Grif."  
"Grif is _my_ friend, I introduced him to you and you don't even like him." Tucker said.  
"Whatever. This guy is just a friend of my father's. I guess." Church felt that didn't need any more explaining.  
"Since when do you hang out with your work friends?"  
"Damn it, Tucker. Why are you asking so many questions?" Church shouted at his phone.  
"Because you're acting weird, you fuck. Why can't I be concerned about my friend, even if he's a major dickweed?" Tucker shouted back at him.  
"Fine, I'll tell you about it, but not right now." Church sighed, giving in like he always did because Tucker was one of the few people who truly cared about him even if they argued almost all of the time they were together.

Tucker hung up, but not before he told Church that he'd be coming over in thirty minutes, or so. That left Church with enough time to get dressed and eat a decent breakfast in his big, empty apartment.

Church swirled around the left over cheerios in his bowl with a spoon as he got lost in thought thinking about what happened earlier in the morning.  
Waking up with someone in bed was really comforting, even if it wasn't with someone he loved.

He didn't expect Locus to be so open to it when he said something last night.  
It really made him wonder why.  
Church wasn't the best in bed, he'll be honest with himself.  
His late ex-girlfriend would always tell him so, but he wasn't sure if that was just to get under his skin and lower his self-esteem.  
So, that couldn't be the reason he let him stay.

Maybe, Locus only wanted him for his money.  
It wouldn't be the first time that had happened to him.

Church didn't blame her for being a greedy bitch, he probably spurred it on buying her expensive jewelry and clothes so she'd tell him that she loved him.  
She never did, and Church would never get the chance to hear her say so even if she did.

Just before Church could go spiraling down the deep hole that was depression, Tucker came knocking at his door.  
"I'm coming, I'm coming." Church grunted and crossed the apartment to let Tucker in.

Tucker tossed his keys at him, Church fumbled and dropped them. Church let out an annoyed sigh and closed the door before picking them up.  
"So, I know you've been seeing someone." Tucker said, taking up the space on his loveseat.  
"Yeah, so? Are you going to bitch me out about it like you're my girlfriend?"  
Tucker snorted, "No, I just want to know the details. I've come up with three possible people."  
"Okay, let's hear it." Church took the chair across from Tucker.

"Is it Caboose?"  
"No. He's like an annoying kid brother I never wanted."  
"Okay, that's what I figured, but I needed three people to make it more dramatic when I pick out the last one."  
Church rolled his eyes at him.  
"You mentioned your dad, so he's older than you, right?" Tucker asked.  
"Yeah."  
"And, it is a guy?"  
"Yes."  
"So, not Phyllis?"

Church grimaced, Phyllis was like a mother to him, or a very stern aunt. "No! Tucker, you have no idea who it is. You've never met him."  
"Hey, I still have one more chance." Tucker said, adjusting his hat as he thought out loud.  
"Old dude, probably taller than you because that's your type; tall, dark and handsome. Is his dick huge?" Tucker asked, looking at Church again for his answer.  
"Forget it, I'm not doing this with you." Church stood from the sofa.  
"It's a legitimate question!" Tucker defended himself. "It isn't you're just being a creep." Church said back.  
"That's uncalled for." Tucker pretended to be hurt.

"It's my dad's lawyer. We hooked up at New Year's and started fooling around." Church said, like he was really embarrassed about it. Unlike Tucker, Church didn't like to kiss and tell.  
"Scandalous." Tucker teased.  
"Shut up, my dad didn't even notice I was seeing his last employee behind his back either."  
"Do you think this one will end up dead too?"  
Church sent Tucker the meanest glare he had ever given him, it made Tucker shrink back into the cushions.  
"Too soon?"

 

"I have to go shopping, for a thing. I'll take you home." Church said, being vague again making Tucker got suspicious.  
"Hold on," Tucker said, actually stopping Church from leaving the apartment. "Are you dating this guy?"  
It was serious question, Church could tell because that teasing smirk on his face wasn't present.  
"Yeah.. maybe. We're trying it out." Church shrugged.  
Tucker was staring at him, it made Church uncomfortable. "What?"  
"Look, before you get all lovesick on the guy, just try not to lose it this time." Tucker let him go and walked ahead towards the elevator.  
Church shut the door to his apartment and mimicked him in that childish way.

 

"Give me a call later. " Tucker said as he got out of Church's car.  
"Sure, if I don't forget." Church said, sliding through notifications on his phone.  
"And stay off that thing when you're driving."  
"Okay, _mom_." Church rolled his eyes, shoving his phone into the pocket beside the car door.  
Tucker tapped the roof of Church's car and waved him off as he drove away.

 

Church went to some fancy designer place his father took him to a long time ago to replace the first and only suit he owned since it was a few sizes too small.  
His first suit was for his mother's funeral. The woman who helped him with his tie had made it so uncomfortably tight he felt like he couldn't breathe.  
Church never liked wearing suits after that, it's why he was the only one dressed like a frumpy college student at work.  
But, knowing as much as he did about Locus, Church figured their dinner date would end up taking them to some place very expensive and they wouldn't let you in if you wore sneakers.

He talked to an employee who helped him pick out a casual jacket and nice light blue dress shirt to match.  
Church was thankful for the help, he wasn't any good at dressing himself.  
One thing he did like about suits was how good he looked in one.  
Who knew wearing clothes that were tailored for you fit so well.

 

Locus on the other hand was busy preparing himself mentally for the date.

This is just a date.  
That's the problem, he thought. He didn't now proper date etiquette.  
If he wanted to make this believable to Church he'd have to learn, wouldn't he?

Locus never used his computer for anything other than reading emails and doing work, so researching the terms "how to date" felt more embarrassing than looking up porn.

What he got from this wiki page was that he needed to have clean hygiene.  
That wouldn't be a problem.  
Next, he was to give his date flowers.

Roses seemed a little too romantic in Locus' opinion.  
Something like tulips would work, red ones which he knew meant something like perfect love, or confession- he couldn't remember.  
While roses meant almost the same thing, tulips were not too romantic and that was how Locus saw they're relationship. Not romantic.

Luckily Locus knew of a flower shop downtown that he passed on on his way to work every day, now he'd have a reason to go in.

Being surrounded by flowers was something Locus had always found comforting. He remembered when he was younger the garden he would spend he free time caring for. It was one of the few things he was allowed to do that didn't have to be masculine.  
But, after he was expelled from school the garden had to be destroyed.

"Can I help you, sir?" A woman's voice called him back from those memories and brought him back to reality.  
"Yes, I need a bouquet of tulips. Red ones, preferably." Locus responded.  
"Sure, I can do that." The woman smiled and started preparing the bouquet.  
"Is this for someone special?" She asked, glancing up at him while she picked out the perfect flowers.  
'Yes, for my date." Locus nodded.  
"Ohhh, she's one lucky lady. Men don't bring flowers on dates like they used to." She said, shaking her head while she set the flowers carefully on the wrapping paper.  
"He. My date is a man, and he doesn't deserve it, but flowers are the appropriate gift to give on a first date according to the internet, so here I am." Locus said.  
"Oh." 

Locus had enough of hiding his sexuality, it took him years to accept it and he wasn't about to hide to to make this woman comfortable.  
It wasn't like he was shoving it in her face, only correcting her.

"How much will this be?" He asked, the paused before taking out his wallet, looking at a nice display on the other side of the room. "I think I'd like to get a few of those purple cosmos." These would go in his personal office at home.

 

Around five at night, Church got a call from Locus telling him that he would be picking him up.  
Church thought that they were going to meet at the restaurant, but this would be more convenient if everything went well.

"You clean up nice." Locus said when Church let him in. Church flashed him a smile, "Yeah, I know. But, don't expect to see me in this thing after tonight." Church said, slipping on his jacket.  
"Oh, I wasn't." Locus said in that suggestive way that made Church blush and roll his eyes.

"I brought these for you." Locus said, bringing out the bouquet he had bough earlier in the day.  
"Oh my god." Church bit his lip to keep from laughing right away. "You got me flowers?"  
"Yes?" Locus said, more questioning than saying. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"  
"Yeah, I guess." Church shrugged, "It's just really gay, dude."  
"I see, if you don't like them I'll take them back." Locus said, but Church kept the flowers out of reach.  
"No, these are mine."  
"You sound like a child, you said you don't like them." Locus rolled his eyes, and felt just a bit embarrassed he even brought them.  
"I never said that." Church said, turning away from him to find a vase to put them in. He couldn't find a proper one, so he stuck it in a jar that had a few cookie crumbs and placed them in there once it was filled with water.  
"There." Church said, admiring the flowers that didn't fit properly in the jar so he had to lean them up against a wall.  
"I expect them to be dead in a few days." Locus said, cringing at the poor flowers. He should have just kept them.

 

The restaurant was exactly what Church was expecting, apparently it was a restaurant that his father frequented because the staff recognized his name.  
"You used my name?" Church asked after they had been show to their table.  
"I thought it would get us a better table at a short notice, and I was right." Locus explained, already looking through the menu.  
"Well, I can't get mad about it." Church shrugged and picked up his own menu to browse through.

 

Dinner is quiet and small talk flows easily throughout the meal, the only "exciting" part of it is when Church nearly choked on his double chocolate devil's cake because he was so eager to eat it.  
Locus actually laughed at him, quiet chuckling hidden behind a napkin.  
Church throws a fit because, "I was _dying_ and you're laughing at me!?"  
"You're alive aren't you? There was no actual danger."  
"You're such a dick."

 

They talk a walk down around the block to walk off dinner.  
Church keeps bumping into Locus' side like he doesn't realize he's doing it.  
Locus tries reaching for his hand, because he thinks that must be what Church wants but Church immediately pulls it back and apologizes with a sheepish look on his face.  
"Sorry, I'm just," he frowns slightly, "I'm not comfortable with PDA, you know?" Church explained, then lightly bumps his side again and Locus understands.  
Rounding the next corner, Locus bumps his shoulder against Church, who ends up stumbling to the side a little because he wasn't expecting that. Church grins at him and Locus keeps walking just before Church can see the smile trying to work it's way on his lips.

 

"So..." Church lets the words linger in the air once they're back in Locus' car. "My place or yours?"

 

Locus is always so incredibly rough, and Church thinks there must be something wrong with him that he really _really_ likes that.  
His hands squeeze at Church's neck, pressing against his pulse.  
Church gasps, lips parting and trying to drink in any air that he can get. All he gets is Locus' lips on his and in the moment Church is glad that it's all he's getting.  
Just when his vision starts to get spotty Locus' grip loosens, but the assault on his neck doesn't stop.  
If it's not his hands. it's his mouth and teeth that bite and suck, leaving red marks that'll form a bruise the next day.

Locus isn't the only one good with his lips.  
Since Locus was nice enough to pay for dinner like Church told him to, he thought he deserved a thank you.

Church pushed Locus onto his back, a coy grin on his face as he crawled and bit his way down to his navel.  
Locus is almost never vocal during sex, but Church managed to get the smallest of gasps and moans when he does his thing.  
He tugs sharply at Church's hair with one hand and with the other he slides his hand down Church's back, squeezing his shoulder when the head of dick hits the back of Church's throat.

Locus makes him stop before he's spent and pulls him back up so he could throw him onto his back on the bed and fuck him.  
After all the safety preparation is done, because sex is dangerous.

Neither are sure what to do after sex. Church would be leaving by now, but they've decided to try this out, so they lay beside each other for a while in comfortable silence.  
Church looks over at Locus after a moment thinking he's fallen asleep, but Locus was looking right at him.  
"What?" Church asked, a little taken aback because he's no sure what that look is about.  
"Nothing, I was just thinking." Locus said, turning his head to stare back up at the ceiling.  
"About?" Church asks, rolling onto his stomach and placing his arms under his chin.  
"You."  
"Okay... care to elaborate?"

"I enjoyed our date." Locus started.  
Church hums, closing his eyes and nodding. "Me too, it was nice. Beats staying home and eating take-out in my boxers."  
"Dates like this are a once a week thing?" Locus asked.  
"Nah, but every once in a while wouldn't be bad. We could always stay in and make dinner. I'm not good at cooking, just warning you now. We could always do something else not just dinner. Don't know what, but we'll think of something." Church said, sliding ever so slightly closer to Locus.  
"And, is that all?" Locus asked.  
"Not really. I mean, part of dating is getting to know each other." Church explained for him. "Telling each others your dreams and fears. You know, mushy shit like that."

"I don't think I'm prepared to share that 'mushy shit' with you now." Locus said.  
"That's alright," Church yawned, "I'm not either." His voice got sleepier by the second.  
The next time Locus looked at him, Church was asleep on his shoulder again.


	3. Chapter 3

A week or two into the new relationship Locus gets used to waking up with Church in his bed, but Church wasn't prepared to meet the cranky person Locus actually was.  
Church finds out that Locus is even grumpier than himself and that's saying a lot.  
Locus doesn't like to be touched or talked to until he's had his cup of coffee and morning shower, and even then he's not 'nice' until lunchtime.

"I was only being a nice host." Locus told him when Church brought it up. "Now that you're my boyfriend, I don't have to play nice."  
"Nice to know I'm not getting anymore special treatment, thanks." Church said, rolling his eyes at Locus.  
"Think of it as an accomplishment." Locus said, "Or, a milestone that I am "being myself" around you now."  
Church snorted, "Yeah, alright. Your other self was less of a dick in the morning."

"Hey, mind if I join you today? I think I want to get to work early today." Church said, throwing aside the sheets that covered most of his naked body.  
"I suppose not." Locus said, shaking his head and leaving the room to walk into the bathroom.

Church joined him after he was already in the shower washing out his hair.  
"Holy fuck, what the hell is wrong with you?" Church's teeth chattered as he spoke and hugged himself when the water hit him.  
"Excuse me?" Locus asked, peeking open an as the soap in his hair washed away.  
"It's cold!" Church pressed himself against Locus, trying to get some warmth.  
"You'll get used to it." Locus said and smacked Church's hand away when he tried to turn up the knob to a warmer setting.

 

Work was just slightly different after Church said they were dating; Not in the way that everyone knew their status.  
Locus was used to eating lunch alone in his office without a disturbance. But one day Church decided to join him, saying that his coworker was getting on his nerves and he just needed some quiet.  
Locus couldn't say no, he also didn't mind the company for once.

 

More often than not, Church would follow Locus to his home if Church was driving in his own car.  
It was as if he were a lost puppy. Church hated when he said that, he'd threaten to leave and Locus would call him a baby.

"Why don't you go home? I don't mind having you over, but it's less of a hassle in the morning if you have everything you need." Locus said when Church complained he'd have to wake up early to go home and get ready for the next day.  
"I know. I know I should, but I hate it." Church pouted, turning his head towards Locus as they lied on his bed.  
"What do you hate?" Locus asked.  
"I hate living alone." Church sighed. "Can't stand sleeping in a cold bed and waking up with no one there."  
"You haven't been drinking as much as you used to lately." Locus suddenly said.  
"What?" Church asked, brows furrowing in confusion. "What about it?"  
"Maybe you should pack an overnight bag next time you stay over." Locus said, changing the subject on him again.  
"Yeah, I guess that'd make things easier." Church agreed.

 

It starts so suddenly at first, completely out of nowhere.  
Church takes notice the first time Locus opens up just a little that he starts giving affection to Church without him insinuating it.

Church made Locus a cup of coffee in the morning after he's gotten out of the shower, he presses a kiss to the top of Church's head without hesitating and turns to leave to prepare notes for an upcoming case he has next week.

On the way to work, he tells Church to have a good day before they leave the elevator to go their separate ways.  
It doesn't seem like a big deal, but Locus hadn't ever spoke to him at work outside of his office room.

For once Locus agrees to go to Church's apartment after work, only because it was a Friday and Church said he has the box set of Firefly they could watch all night.  
"How does pizza sound tonight?" Church asked as he pulled out his phone to dial the number.  
"Greasy."  
"So, that's a no?" Church asked, holding off on touching the green button.  
"No." Locus said, before Church could ask what he meant Locus spoke again, "I wouldn't mind making a pizza though."  
"I can't cook."  
"But, I can." Locus said, rolling up his sleeves and walking into Church's kitchen.  
"You can cook?" Church asked, following after him. "Then why do we eat out every night?"  
"Because I can never find the time to prepare dinner." Locus said, opening Church's fridge. "You don't have any fresh ingredients?" Locus asked, tossing out a rotting head of lettuce.  
"Yeah, no. I either eat out or heat up some instant noodles." Church said.  
"We'll have to do some shopping."  
"We can always call the pizza guy and save the romantic cooking together cliche for next week." Church said.

It takes some convincing, but Locus finally convinces Church to go along with him to get groceries.  
"You complain too much." Locus said, gently squeezing a tomato to test its ripeness.  
"We could have been home eating already, I'm starving. Let's just eat at a restaurant while we're out." Church said.  
"I've already picked out what we'll need, it won't take much longer to make." Locus said.  
Locus headed for the cashier station and the woman behind the counter started scanning everything.  
"Can we at least get some snacks?" Church asked, pouting and picking up a candy bar from the little shelves beside them.  
"Go ahead." Locus said, "You don't need my permission."

That was probably the wrong thing to say, because by the time they got into the car Church had finished two out of the three candy bars he bought and started complaining about a stomach ache.  
"You're such a child, I swear." Locus sighed, stopping at a corner store to buy a bottle of ginger ale and a bottle of that gross bright pink medicine.  
"This is your fault, you didn't let me call the pizza guy." Church whined, groaning about his tummy.  
Locus rolled his eyes, "No, this is your fault because you couldn't wait thirty minutes."

 

Halfway through the first episode of Firefly, Church was over his stomach ache and they were comfortably lounging against each other watching a t.v show they both enjoyed.

For most of the day Locus forgot who he was, and what he was told to do.  
Actually, Locus thought, ever since New Year's he had lost sight of himself because of the man sitting beside him quietly mumbling quotes he had memorized.

They managed to watch a little over half the season before they were too tired to pay attention. Church put the volume low as he crawled on top of Locus, his head laying on top of his chest.  
Locus moved his arms to wrap around Church, unconsciously running his fingers up and down Church's back.  
"Are you asleep yet?" Church asked, not moving from his comfortable spot.  
"No." Locus replied, though his voice was heavy with sleep.  
"Would you tell me your dreams and fears? Are you prepared for that now?" Church asked.  
Locus was quiet for a few minutes, Church began to think he had fallen asleep, but then he answered. "I think so."  
"Well?" Church started, "What are they?"  
Locus let out a sigh, Church felt his chest sink as he let that air go. "My fear is that I'll be alone the rest of my life."  
"I always thought you liked being alone." Church said.  
"I enjoy doing most things on my own, but I don't enjoy loneliness." Locus said.  
"Me too."  
"I know."

"So, what about your dreams?" Church asked.  
"That I haven't thought about." Locus said.  
"Not even anything to do with your career?" Church asked, shifting just slightly to get more comfortable.  
"Well, yes." Locus lied, Church had to think Locus had some enjoyment of his work so that he'd get him closer to his father.  
"Why are you a lawyer?" Church asked.  
"Because my father was one." Locus had a story prepared for that question since day one. "He was captivating in a court room, he could spin the wildest lies and make everyone in that court room believe him. He would have been proud of me if I had the chance to tell him I was accepted to Harvard."  
"So, he was one of those lawyers." Church snorted quietly. "I guess that's pretty impressive. You must have learned a lot from him since my dad hired you."  
"What do you mean? I only handle small cases, Church. Like harrasment and injury claims." Locus asked.  
"Exactly that. He's a business man, they all work dirty. I know he's broken laws and he uses his lawyers to clean it up, or hide it away." Church said. "But, I don't care. He stays out of my life and I stay out of his."

"My father was killed because of all the criminals he helped stay out of prison." Locus said, spinning a story to mesh into his past.  
"As was my mother; his greed for money cost them both their lives. Church, if your father is dealing with the wrong people, I suggest you tell him to stop."  
Church couldn't think of a reply, he didn't know what he could say.  
But, Locus was right.

Church cared for his father at one point in his life, before the man looked at him with such disappointment.  
The only reason Church went to MIT was because he wanted to follow his father's footsteps and eventually take over the company.  
That was after his mother died, he just wanted his father look at him again. To look at Church and not see him as the sole reason the love of his life died.

 

"Locus can't be your real name." Church said, tangling his fingers in the mess of hair on top of Locus' head then brushing it back neatly like it was always kept.  
Locus sighed through his nose, eyes still closed as he laid over Church. "It isn't."  
"Then what is it?" Church asked, twisting a strand of dark brown hair around his finger.  
"I can't tell you." Locus said, turning his head to get Church to stop messing with his hair, but that didn't work so he gave up.  
"Why not?" Church frowned at him.  
"Because."  
"That's not a reason." Church said, gently tugging his hair.  
Locus made an annoyed groan, "Why do you need to know now?" He asked.  
"Because I want to know you." Church said. "And stop kissing my chest you're not going to distract me from this." Church pushed away Locus' head from his chest that he had started to nip at.  
"Rasiel."  
"That's it?" Church asked, raising a brow.  
"Yes." Locus answered, raising his head to look at Church.  
"Rasiel." Church tried it out for himself and Locus liked the way the R rolled off Church's tongue.  
"I like it." Church smiled at him.  
"If you start using my first name, I'll start calling you Leonard." Locus said with his usual deadpan expression.  
The smile on Church's face disappeared as quickly as it had come, "Don't you dare."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have my friend jay to thank for locus' name


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick update i think this is going the way i want it to

When Locus enters his home after a busy day at work, he unceremoniously places his briefcase down on the table nearest to the door and loosens his tie.  
He takes off his jacket and hangs it over one of the chairs in his kitchen while he thinks of plans for dinner and the sweater Church wanted him to bring him tomorrow at work.  
Locus was about to search for it, but something catches his eye and he pauses, turns back into the kitchen and grabs a glass from the cupboard and one of the bottles of liquor he kept around for the days when he felt incredibly weary.

"I wasn't expecting guests." Locus said, reaching for another glass from the shelf. "Thirsty?"  
"If you answered your phone instead of ignoring me you would have known I was coming." The other voice spoke, stepping out from the shadows of the wall adjacent to the kitchen area. "No thanks, I'm on the job."  
"I've been busy." Locus explained, pouring a glass for himself after closing the cupboard.

"Oh, I know how _busy_ you've been." There's that smirk, teasing him like he always does.  
"You haven't been stalking me again have you?" Locus said, side-eying his 'guest'.  
The intruder laughed, "It's my job to keep tabs on you."  
"That isn't your only job, Felix. What are you doing here?" Locus asked, putting his glass down and frowning at it.

Felix scratches at the stubble on his cheek, "You know why I'm here Locus."  
"I'm working on it." Locus said, it comes out more terse than he means it to be.  
"How hard have you been working exactly? Has fucking the boss's son been tiring you out too much that you can't do your fucking job? Your _actual ___job?" Felix spat back.

Locus doesn't say anything, he knows he hasn't been doing well lately.  
But, it's not like he's been given juicy secrets left and right, Dr. Church is careful with his business. 

"This is your first and last warning Locus." Felix said, stepping so close to Locus he can smell the cheap brand of cigarettes Felix smoked frequently.  
"I'm not trying to be a hard ass, it's just orders from Control, you know?" Felix said, lifting a hand to grab the loose tie around Locus' neck.  
Locus' jaw tightens then he looks away, "I've had a long day Felix, and now with your visit I have a busy week ahead of me." Locus said, stepping back and away from Felix and his wandering hands. 

Felix's face falls, he gives Locus a quizzical look, wondering why his partner is rejecting him.  
"Oh." It finally dawns on him. "Oh, this is rich."  
Felix starts to laugh loudly, throwing his head back and when he calms down again he wipes away a tear that isn't there. "Don't tell me, you- you actually _like_ this guy?" Felix is in such disbelief and Locus' silence is more than enough for an answer. 

Locus finishes his drink and gets ready to serve himself another.  
"You stupid stupid man. I know I've said you could learn a thing or two from me, but falling for someone on the job? That's the number one No-No.'" Felix says, a smug look on his face.  
Locus grimaced internally, Felix must enjoy seeing him compromised like this. 

Church's head is still pounding when he finally gets home.  
He had just left a meeting with his father, and it did not go well at all. He thinks popping a pain reliever will help, but it only makes him feel worse. Most likely because there's nothing in his stomach beside the coffee he had during his break hours ago.  
Church's fingers twitch, tapping against the counter while he tries to calm himself. He clenches his fist to make it stop, but then he goes at it again, and it irritates the hell out of him that he shoves a few dirty glass plates off the counter, breaking them into pieces on the floor.  
"Fuck!" 

Locus doesn't answer when Church calls, so he texts his friend. 

**im heading out for some drinks if i dont check in half an hour pick me up**

**do you want me to come with**

**no**

Locus is just trying to put a little distance between himself and Church. Just enough that it'll get Felix off his back for a while until he can figure out what he needs to do.  
But it's too much that it feels like his everyday schedule is missing something now.  
So, he ends up sitting in silence for an hour everyday, replacing the time that he and Church would be spending together right now in his office. 

Before he leaves for the end of the day he goes to Dr. Church's office. Phylis tells him he's out for the day, but Locus gets past telling her that he just has papers he needs to set on his desk. Phylis has become too trusting of him, so she lets him in without noticing that they were just doodles Church had left behind in his office. 

Locus was lucky Dr. Church didn't bother logging out of his computer, just like Church doesn't when he uses Locus' laptop.  
He's been watching movies off Church's account for the past week. 

Focus.  
Locus tells himself, his eyes quickly scan over documents, business plans with a man named Hargrove. Money transfers and expensive equipment being sent to some off site laboratory.  
Interesting.  
He doesn't take any longer than 5 minutes, downloading the information in a flash drive he'd be selling later. It's not much, but it's enough that Felix will leave him alone. 

Felix is in Locus' apartment when he returns. It's kind of annoying since Locus was just getting used to living alone and not having to deal with this man again. 

"What are you still doing here?" Locus asks, putting aside his briefcase, and pulling out his laptop so he could get to work.  
"Just thinking about why the hell would I rent out a hotel room when I can stay at your place for free?" Is Felix's reply.  
"Get your feet off my coffee table." Locus says, typing away.  
Felix doesn't, he ignores him and Locus is one straw away from throwing his ass out. 

"Does the name Hargrove mean anything to you?" Locus asks.  
Felix was good with names, he was the people person.  
"Isn't he some rich multimillionaire with a big company?" Felix says, busy digging into a tub of ice cream Locus was saving for an upcoming movie night. "I'm pretty sure I've done business with him before."  
"That could describe more than half of our clients, Felix." 

When the webpage Locus was waiting for shows up on his screen, Felix is right. Charon Industries is the name of the company he owns, number one leading in technology.  
"What kind of work?" Locus asks.  
"Oh, you know, the fun kind." Felix grins, the scar across his face stretches with it. "Man, she put up one hell of a fight."  
Locus doesn't say anything, murder wasn't always part of their job, but Felix took a liking to it, more than Locus did.  
Locus did it for the job, Felix did it more for fun.  
Murder is murder though, how you do it doesn't mean you're better than the other. 

Before Felix leaves, Locus hands him the flash drive.  
"This isn't much, but it should be enough for Command." Locus said. Felix pockets it, "Yeah, sure it will."  
"I did my part, I'm done." Locus said, he doesn't know why he said it, he knows leaving isn't that simple.  
Felix laughed, "Thinking of settling down now? Maybe get a dog and name him Fluffy. Your boy toy isn't going to be rich for much longer, you know. And, you don't have a real job. Good luck getting one with your record. If you even have one. How do you expect to live normally after all you've done. You're better off with me." 

"When does it stop? When I'm dead? I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life. Do you?" Locus asked, frowning hard at his partner.  
"I'm the fucking best at this, why would I want to stop?" Felix doesn't say anymore than that and steps towards the door. Before he goes, Felix turns on his heel, "I'll see what he says, if you're gonna be all dramatic about this. Besides, if you retire that means more jobs and money for me." Felix leaves him with a grin and speeds off in his car.

The first person Locus wants to tell this to is Church, but Church doesn't know a thing about this. To tell him there's actually a chance they could actually be together.  
If he still wanted that. 

Locus has also been ignoring Church the last couple of days, so things might not be so good between them.  
Locus reminded himself it was only like that because he had made it that way. 

He calls anyway, waiting for Church pick up. He doesn't until the fourth or fifth time, just when Locus is about to hang up.  
"Hello?" It isn't Church's voice.  
"I need to speak to Church." Locus said.  
"Yeah, hold on. He's kind of hungover right now and puking all over the place." The voice pauses, "Pretend I never said that, he's embarrassed about it." 

There's some struggling on the other end, Locus can make out Church's hoarse voice and the other man shouting at each other until it goes silent and then. 

"Hey."  
That's all Church gives him, so Locus struggles to speak and say the right things, like. I'm sorry.  
"Who was that?" Locus asked instead.  
"My friend Tucker." Church said, sounding distant like he's away from the phone. Church sighs, "So, what's up?"  
"I need to speak with you. "Locus said, running his hand through his hair. "It's important."  
"I know what this is." Church said, sounding bitter. "You ignore me for a week and need to talk. If you're going to break up with me, just do it now. I don't want to be sober tomorrow and end up at my toilet all night again." 

"No," Locus said quickly, shaking his head. "That's not it." If anyone was breaking up with the other, it would be Church most likely.  
"Oh." Church is far from the phone again, letting out a breath.  
"Is tomorrow okay?" Locus asked.  
"Yeah, that's fine." Church said. "Can you give me a hint about what we need to talk about because this is already giving me anxiety."  
"No, sorry." Locus said, smiling slightly when Church mumbled about Locus always being a shady fuck before he hung up. 


	5. Chapter 5

Locus goes through a message Felix sent him last night, something about Control being satisfied with the intel.  
That was relieving.  
Locus messages back asking if Felix told him anything else.  
Felix hasn't replied.  
Locus frowns at his phone and looks up at his door when he hears knocking.

He expects it to be Church, so he goes to answer it, but finds Felix in front of him.  
"What are you doing here?" He asks.  
"What ever happened to a simple hello?" Felix pouts his lips.  
"I'm-" Locus stops, he doesn't want to tell Felix about Church. "I was about to leave." Locus said instead.  
"I'm not staying long, don't worry. I have shit to do anyway." Felix said.  
Locus waits for Felix to tell him whatever it is he needs to say, staring at him with that impatient look that just makes Felix want to take even longer.

"So, I told him about you wanting out of the job."  
"And?" Locus holds his breath.  
"It'll happen." Felix said, but Locus knows there's more. "After he gets what he wants."  
"I don't owe him anything." Locus said, he only took money after the job was finished. Unlike Felix who always wanted his take up front.

"Yeah... about that." Felix won't look at him, he kicks at a rock.  
"Felix." Locus's voice is stern, just on the verge of angry.  
"I asked for your take." Felix mumbled, "I saw this really huge plasma screen. Locus, I needed it."  
"Get out of here." Locus says through his teeth.  
He's not furious.  
This isn't the first time he's had to deal with something like this, but now his chances of finishing this clean-ish just went out the window.

At the moment, he's more worried about Church seeing him with Felix.

"Come on, man. You can't be that angry about it, I'll do all the hard work, okay?"  
"Fine. It's the least you can do." Locus said.

It's too late to get Felix out of here before Church steps out his car, Felix turns and spots him, he grins back at Locus, "You said you were leaving."  
"You need to leave."  
"Relax, you've already screwed this up for yourself." Felix snorts. "What's the worst I could do?"

"Hey." Church said, then nodded towards Felix. "I didn't know you had friends."  
Felix snorts, "He doesn't. I'm just his partner. Well, ex-partner. Right, Locus?"  
"Hopefully." Locus said under his breath.  
"You're a lawyer?" Church asked, furrowing his brows.  
"God, no." Felix answered.  
"He's just an- informant. We used to do some freelance work together." Locus said, not lying entirely.

Locus couldn't outright lie to him when he was going to come clean.  
He just wanted to do it alone.

Church nodded, believing him just like he did with everything else Locus had told him since they had met.

"Well, I have to get going. Unless, you wouldn't mind having me around."  
"Goodbye." Locus said, frowning at Felix.  
Felix held up his hands, stepping back. "Nice seeing you." He winked at Church and left to his car.

"Sorry about that." Locus said, "Come in."

 

"I don't know that guy, but something about him just makes me cringe." Church told Locus as he walked past him into the house.  
"He usually gives off that impression." Locus replied.

"So, um." Church stands in the living room, looking at everything besides Locus. "What'd you need to talk about?"  
"I think it would be best to take a seat for this." Locus said, making sure there is room for Church on the sofa beside him.

Church stops standing awkwardly and sits down, "Can you stop making this so.. uncomfortable and just say what you need to tell me?" He sounds impatient.  
Locus frowns, he wants to stall this for as long as possible.  
Because breaking this to Church; telling him that he was being used most of the time they were together won't be easy.

"Locus." Church called to him, placing a hand on his thigh.  
Locus hesitates to speak, it feels the first time he's ever been unsure of the words he's about to say.

Locus likes this life he's made up for himself.  
He likes having a home to come to. Not a motel room he finds himself in more often than in the apartment he rented for the days when he would be able to lay low and relax.  
He's enjoyed having an relationship. With Church.  
It's the closest to a romantic relationship he ever had.

 

Locus tells him everything.

Tells Church who he really is, well he never lied about his name.  
But, he tells him his real profession, where he grew up and how he got into this life of stealing secrets, and killing anyone who decided to get in the way of his job.  
All of it for a little money, but in his case it was all he ever knew.  
Then Locus tells him about his current job.  
The one involving Church's father and the company.  
Church's feelings in the end were just a causality.

 

Church is silent for a long time, processing this information one thing at a time.  
Church's hand slips away from Locus' leg.  
Honestly, he knew from the beginning that someone being genuinely interested in him was far-fetched.

"Why are you telling this to me?" Church asked, brows furrowing.  
"I want you to know because," Locus pauses, "You mean something to me, Church."  
Church's frown deepens, "I mean something to you? You really expect me to believe that after you just told me you were using me?"  
"No, you're right." Locus shakes his head, "I don't expect you to trust me now, after what I've done and what I've told you."

Church wants to leave, he moves to stand but Locus grips his hand.  
"Church, you can leave, but I want you to understand why I'm telling you this. I wouldn't have said a word to you if I didn't care for you."

Church bit his lower lip, he had considered that, but it still didn't make sense to him. It didn't make it right to use him like that.  
Church thought it was real.

"I need to think about this."

"Just promise me you won't turn me in before you talk to me." Locus said.

Church snorted, "Yeah, I'm not making any promises on that. Asshole."

Church walks towards the front door, Locus stops him.   
"Before you leave, there's still one more thing I need to tell you."   
"What is it now?" Church asked, rolling his eyes.

"If you- When this job is over, I have to leave. You won't see me again."

Church only nods and leaves before Locus can say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i might actually finish this thing soon


	6. Chapter 6

Church stares down the bottle of his beer, seeing what's left of it.  
It's his third one and it's half empty.

Instead of going to a bar again, he decided to give Tucker a break and stay in tonight.  
He also just needed to think, and if he had anything more than the light beer he kept in his fridge he'd end up not thinking about anything and nursing a headache in the morning.

 

Locus goes through some emails Felix forwarded to him about what his next task was.  
Just as promised, the more difficult tasks would be taken care of.  
It left him with more time to call in favors for his trip out of the country.

 

Felix promised it wouldn't take him long at all, he would just need Locus to get him access into the building, which Locus could easily do. Felix would just have to wear a decent suit and cover up the ugly scar on his face.

"Just do what you need to do and get out." Locus had told him before they split up and went their own ways.  
"Don't tell me how to do my job." Felix snapped back.

 

Locus thought to check his office for things he might have left behind.  
He couldn't leave a trace of his belongings anywhere, after all.  
Locus never decorated his office with anything personal, but it was always a good idea to double check.

On the corner of his desk, Locus had found one of Church's games in his office, he had spotted it under some papers that needed to be filed away a week ago, but that was all that he had found.  
Locus thought he should return it to Church, but he hadn't seen or heard from the other since he left his house earlier in the week.

He'd leave the game with Phylis, and casually ask if she'd seen him.  
"No," Phylis said, "I haven't, but usually he's home playing hooky. I wouldn't be surprised that he'd want to stay away for awhile. He and his father got into an argument last week."  
"Any idea why?" Locus asked.  
"Well," She started, shuffling papers to put away. "It was about his inheritance. Leonard doesn't think Church is ready for the responsibility, so he's thinking of giving it to someone else."  
"I see." Locus nodded and the name Hargrove comes to mind. "I didn't know Church would actually be upset by that. He never seemed to be interested in his father's work."  
"Oh, he is. That boy has always been fascinated by science." Phylis said, "He's just, well.. He has a different approach to it than his father does, so they can never agree on how the company should be run." She sighed, "They can both be stubborn."

Locus gets a message from Felix then saying his job is done.

"I have to get going. Would you give this to Dr. Church for me?" Locus asked, handing over a paper to Phylis.  
"It's my resignation. I'm leaving." Locus explained when she gave him a curious look.

"Oh," She sounds a little surprised. "You are? Well, we're certainly going to miss you."  
Locus can't find any words to say, he's honestly surprised that she'd even miss him.  
Locus tells himself that it's just a formality.  
People always say things like that.  
He tells himself that because it makes it easier to deal with the guilt he feels for lying to her.

Locus nods at her and says his goodbye.

 

"Are you busy?" Church's voice breathes over the receiver.  
"No." Locus answered.

When Locus opens the door for him, he can't even get a word in before Church is stepping into his space and pressing his lips hard against his.

Locus barely gets the front door closed before he starts backing Church up against it.  
Kissing and biting, like he's been starved of it.

Locus doesn't know what this means, Church won't say a word, he just kisses him every time Locus tries to speak.  
Maybe he's just not ready to tell Locus how he feels about all this.  
These kisses don't feel like forgiveness.  
Church claws at his back and his sides, sliding his hands under his dress shirt, popping the buttons undone.  
Locus would usually scold him about that, but right now he can't be bothered.

Locus has gotten too used to Church being under him, too used to the red scratched down his back Church gives when Locus presses on his throat.  
He strokes Church's pulse with his thumb, releases him and kisses Church quickly, stealing his breath again.

Locus feels a tightness in his chest, he wants Church.  
He wants Church to leave with him.  
He knows it's impossible, they don't exactly love each other.  
But, Locus needs him.

He needs someone to keep him on this path, to make sure he won't stray again.

Church grows warm when Locus presses kisses on his neck, tender kisses that brush over the bruises that were beginning to form.   
Church tries to nudge him away with his chin.   
"Don't make love to me." He pants, but Locus ignores him.  
He squeezes Church's thighs, pushes them apart and presses himself forward so there's barely any space between them.  
Church is flush against him, panting and digging blunt nails onto Locus' shoulders.  
"You're making this very difficult."

 

"You want me to run away with you, and yet you're not in love with me?" Church laughed and shoved Locus' shoulder from him.  
"Church, I've never felt love. I just know I would like you to remain close to me."  
"I don't know. I just got over the fact you were using me to get to my father. You know what, I'm not even over that yet. I'm still fucking mad at you." Church sighed, tugging the sheets closer to his body.  
"They why did you come?" Locus asked.  
"Because, you mean something to me too." Church mumbled.

 

"How long do you need to think about something like this?" Locus asked as Church was looking around for his clothes.  
"I don't know. A day, maybe a week?" Church said, tugging on his pants.  
"I don't have that kind of time I need to know now." Locus said.

Church sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.  
"Okay, just..." The sound of Church's phone ringing interrupts him, he grabs for it and answers.

"Yeah?" Church is silent while there is the distant voice of a woman shouting hysterical, possibly crying.  
"What? Phylis, calm down. What are you talking about?!" Church almost yells.

"He's dead?!"

 

Locus sighs, sitting upright and moving to side on the side of the bed.  
This must be what Felix meant about their last task.

"You knew about this?" Church's question is directed towards Locus.  
"Yes. Well, no. I had no idea the intended target was your father. Felix didn't exactly spare me the details." Locus said.  
"You didn't tell me you killed people too." Church said, sounding disgusted. It makes Locus cringe.  
"I didn't want you to think of me as a monster." Locus said.

"Church, I promise I had no idea Felix was going to kill your father." Locus said, looking right at Church and trying to give him the sincerest of looks.

"You've lied to me before."

 

"What do you mean he didn't leave me anything?" Church scowls at one of his father's lawyers.  
"There's nothing here for you, Mr. Church." The man said. "He signed everything away to Mr. Hargrove."  
Church scowls at the name, he never trusted that man.  
"Don't call me Mr. Church."

"Hargrove is greedy bastard, he doesn't deserve anything." Church said.  
"I'm sorry, there isn't anything I can do." The lawyer said, packing his things.  
Church sighs and slumps against his father's desk, rubbing his temples.

"There is one person who can intervene and put a stop to the process. Your older sister, Carolina?" The lawyer told Church, standing at the doorway.  
"She's in the army, she wouldn't leave that for something stupid like this." Church said, glaring at the man again.  
"I'm sorry." The man said again, leaving the room.

Church hadn't spoken to his sister in a few years.  
The only reason he knew she wasn't dead was because they haven't came knocking at his door with a flag.  
Carolina and their father got along as well as Church did with him; probably even worse.

Church hoped Tucker wouldn't mind letting him move in for a while.  
It wouldn't be hard for Church to get a job, he had plenty of offers before he chose to work for his father. He just hoped the offers were still open.

Behind him, Church could hear the door open and close.  
"I don't want to talk about it Phylis. Shouldn't you be home?" 

"She left a few minutes ago."

Church's head shot up from the desk when he heard that voice.  
"What do you want?"

"I only wanted to say goodbye." Locus said.  
"You don't have to." Church said, crossing his arms. "As a matter of fact, I could just turn you in since you're here."  
"You have no evidence against me. Besides, Hargrove controls a lot, he wouldn't let himself get discovered." Locus said, crossing the room to stand in front of Church.

"I'm retiring from this life." Locus announced to him, "I was thinking of moving somewhere warm."

"Good for you." Church was obviously displeased hearing that. "You get your happy ever after, and I get stuck here picking up the pieces of my life you and your buddy destroyed."

"It wouldn't be a happy ever after without you."  
"Oh, shut up."

"Church, you know I haven't lied to you since I told you who I really was." Locus said, frowning slightly at Church.  
"You didn't tell me everything though, did you?" Church said back. "You didn't exactly try to stop this from happening anyway."

"You can hide, but sooner or later this will come back to you." Church said.  
Locus stepped away, shaking his head and strode back out the room. "No, it won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha i actually finished this its terrible im sorry


End file.
